Tag: Audible

I read a book: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: The Novelization, by Jeff Strand

Posted on by Traumadoll

While I mostly write about books, my love of horror began with old movies and branched off into comedy horror shows like The Addams Family and The Munsters. The more ridiculous the premise, the better. Enter Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. It’s been forever and a half since I last watched the movie, but I do remember that ridiculous is an understatement. The fact that it inspired multiple sequels, a children’s cartoon, two video games, a comic book, a couple of similarly themed books, and now this novelization written by Jeff Strand and audiobook narrated by Joe Hempel is actually pretty amazing considering the poor reception of the movie in its time.

Let’s talk about the audiobook. Joe Hempel is a treasure. Like the movie, the audiobook is speckled with songs and faux advertisements and that one awful puberty song. Hempel narrates with gusto and paired with Jeff Strand’s humor, this audiobook is a joy to listen to.

As for the book itself, if you’ve seen the movie, you know the story. Humanity comes under attack by constantly mutating killer tomatoes. Everyone is an idiot and there’s little hope that humanity will figure out how to survive, except for maybe China and their secret weapon, Bruce Lee. It is ridiculous and hilarious. I know it’s cliche to say the book is better than the movie, especially when the book is a novelization of that movie, but it’s true. Characters that didn’t get much screen time, like master of disguise Sam Smith, come to life in this book. Jokes that barely registered in the movie are amplified. Imagery that were probably cost prohibitive to produce in a movie are elevated by Strand’s colorful writing.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. This book is 233 pages or 5 hours of pure fun. This book filled in a lot of gaps that the movie left wide open. I particularly enjoyed all the fourth wall breaking commentary. The whole thing was just so funny.

Big thanks to Jeff Strand, Joe Hempel, Encyclopocalypse Publications and BookSirens for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review. You can preorder Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: The Novelization on Amazon or Audible for its April 14, 2023 release.

I read a book: They Take Your Skin, by J.R. Curtis

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I’ve read two other books by J.R. Curtis. I don’t remember much about Satanico. Bloodletting was pretty good and introduced me to a subgenre of horror that I didn’t know I needed in my life, horror westerns. And now I’ve read They Take Your Skin. I have owned the kindle version for a while, but when the author offered Audible codes in exchange for honest reviews, I moved it up to the top of my TBR.

Before I get into my thoughts about the book, let’s talk about the Audible narration. Curtis tends to take his time setting up his stories. He is meticulous with his world building and while it can feel slow, it pays off when everything falls into place and all the action happens and you find yourself sucked into that world. Some narrators, like the man who narrated Bloodletting (John Gladden), are well suited to this descriptive style of storytelling. It’s a style that is difficult to get right, and unfortunately the narration of They Take Your Skin fell short for me. Sherry L. Neiman is a narrator I haven’t come across before, and while I did listen to the entire audiobook, I had to speed it up considerably to make it palatable. Her reading is painfully slow, lacking rhythm, and there were some pronunciation issues, particularly her pronunciation of one of the main character’s names (Guzman). I don’t expect perfect pronunciation of Spanish language names, but putting emphasis on the correct syllable goes a long way to looking like you made the effort.

That said, They Take Your Skin is the best J.R. Curtis book I’ve read yet. He recently released a new one that I haven’t read yet, but right now, this is my favorite thing he’s written. Since the big bads in this book are aliens, I’d classify this one as a sci-fi horror. This story takes place in a small mining town and follows the usual small town cast of characters. There’s the sheriff who is a little too big for his britches and the deputy who follows him blindly. There’s the troubled teen with the alcoholic father and the teacher who tries to reach him. There’s the old man who isn’t taken seriously until it’s too late. There’s the visitors who become instrumental in defeating the town’s dark secret. And of course, there’s the dark secret. In this case, the town isn’t hiding anything as they are unaware of what is lurking deep underground, and I feel like that makes this story unique. The descriptions of the aliens peeling the skins off their victims and then wearing those skins are visceral enough to make a person flinch but not in a gratuitous way. One character calls them peelers and the name catches on. There’s an old horror movie vibe (think Invasion of the Body Snatchers) about this book that I find really appealing.

Get it? A-PEELing? I crack myself up.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. If I have one complaint, it’s that it can be a bit wordy. Verbosity can become tedious if you’re not careful. It’s one of the reasons I just can’t get into Stephen King. Other than that I really enjoyed this book. I think it would make a great movie. Not sure I’d listen to this narrator again, but I will read more Curtis.

Big thanks to J. R. Curtis for providing an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review. You can buy They Take Your Skin, by J. R. Curtis on Amazon for a couple bucks or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription.

I read a book: Troll, by Matthew A. Clarke

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The dedication reads “for anyone that’s been a victim of online abuse”. The first chapter describes a suicide encouraged by an online friend from a forum of other folks experiencing suicidal ideation and I just knew that this was gonna be another Clarke shaped wrinkle in my brain. I’ve read a few of his books now and each one is weird, horrifying, and heartfelt in its own way and after the first chapter, I had no doubt that Troll would leave its mark on me as well.

Scotty is an average teenage boy plagued by a mystery skin condition that he somehow manages to hide from his mother until it spreads to his face. He finds himself on a forum where just recently another young person interacted with a troll who encouraged her to follow through with her suicidal thoughts. He doesn’t know this yet, so he is receptive when he hits it off with a woman named Rebecca on the forum. When she blocks him after agreeing to meet in person, he goes on the offensive and uses his computer skills to hack into her webcam and find out who she really is.

He finds more than he bargained for and takes these findings to his friend Casper (and Ms Starchy) and this is where the story starts going down that bizarro rabbit hole. Scotty and friends discuss whether this troll is a Troll or just a sad sack on the internet. Scott learns about his father and eventually finds his purpose in life. And the troll…well, you’ll have to read it to find out.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. It’s a short read, but it’ll stick with you. I like the way Clarke writes about real world things like incels or internet trolls in a bizarro horror light that still manages to weave in his brand of humor and heart. If you’re a fan of bizarro horror and aren’t reading Clarke’s work, why the heck not?

Big thanks to Matthew A. Clarke, Planet Bizarro Press, and Booksprout for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review. You can buy Troll, by Matthew A. Clarke on Amazon for a couple bucks. And you should, because it’s great.

I read a book: The Cursed Among Us, by John Durgin

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I’ve seen a lot of buzz about this book in the horror social media circle. I am generally wary of books with a lot of social media buzz, because oftentimes it is more a sign of a strong marketing campaign than it is of a great book (see the CoHo* phenomenon). When John Durgin offered Audible codes for The Cursed Among Us to reviewers, I decided it’s time to see what all the fuss is about. I found the kindle version available on KU and read along with the Audible narration.

I have seen this book described as a lot of things that I am usually not interested in reading. Coming of age. YA. Kids vs evil. Nostalgic? It is definitely not YA, despite the main characters being a group of teenagers. Yes, they unleash and then end up fighting an evil force. There are lots of references to bands and movies of my youth. Are the boys now reaching 40 and keeping their parents’ secrets? I can’t help but laugh when I think about the world I grew up in being considered retro. Apparently the 90s are in, because my own teenager has asked me what it was like growing up in the 90s on countless occasions. And I suppose it could be described as a coming of age story. But what a way to come of age.

This is the story of a group of teenage friends who accidentally unearth a town secret when they venture too far into the woods. They’ve been warned all their lives not to do that, but they’re filming a horror movie for class (and for funsies) and need the perfect spooky location. They stumble onto a grave site marked with stones covered in unfamiliar sigils, and their fictional horror story becomes reality. What follows is a string of grisly deaths at the hands of dead witch possessed by a demon and the kid who acts as her puppet. For a minute it looks like evil will prevail, but the boys are determined to fight it until the bitter end. There are survivors, but there is no happy ending. We are left with a hint that the story is not over yet. It’s not quite a cliffhanger and it ends on a note that doesn’t really need a sequel, but there is an opening for one.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. Durgin crafts a compelling story in a way that manages to make the reader cringe at some of the descriptions while being unable to take their eyes off the page. Joe Hempel’s performance is great, as usual. I’ve never been disappointed by a Joe Hempel narration. I wonder if Howie got his ass whooped for missing curfew. I know you just watched half the town get murdered by a supernatural horror, but rules are rules, son. If you like horror but don’t necessarily want to read the more extreme variety I usually review, check this one out. It is not YA, but I would be comfortable recommending it to teenagers and adults alike.

Big thanks to John Durgin for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review. You can buy The Cursed Among us, by John Durgin on Amazon for a couple bucks or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription.

*I just want to clarify that CoHo gets no hate from me. I’ve read a few of her books and liked them well enough, but I consider them popcorn. Nothing wrong with that, I love popcorn. I read a lot of books that are dark and disturbing and sometimes I just want to chomp my way through something light and airy. And something I’ve seen from a lot of CoHo superfans is that her books got them interested in reading or rekindled an old love of reading and that’s always a win in my book.

Monthly roundup – February 2023

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When I look at these collages I make every month, count 11 boxes, and think I had a slow month, I feel a little silly. I read 11 books! Sure, some of them were short. Two were audiobooks. One was a collection of short stories. My page count probably isn’t very high. And ultimately the numbers don’t matter. I read 11 books and enjoyed them all. But there were several days when I didn’t read anything because my brain just didn’t want to brain. Depression. And that makes me feel like it was a slow month. Depression brain is weird.

The books I did manage to read were pretty great. My favorite was Bowery. It’s not a joyous story, there is no happy ending. But it made me feel things and that is the mark of a good story to me. When people ask me why I read so much extreme horror, the answer is simple. I want to feel things. I read bizarro for wonderment. I am always so amazed at the sheer absurdity that some of these authors I love come up with. And Matt Shaw just makes me laugh. One day I’ll do a full why I read the things I read post. Today is not that day.

On the agenda for March, I have a few ARCs from Planet Bizarro that I’m excited about. Hoping to finish Wanderers, by Chuck Wendig and read the next book in the Gone series. I also have a couple of collections of short stories that I’m itching to read. And of course whatever Book Lovers Cafe chooses for the group read. It’s looking like it’ll be a Grady Hendrix book, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for Jennifer Weiner. I know, that makes no sense when you look at the collage above. I do stray from horror and monster porn on occasion.

In other news, I am in the process of redesigning this blog. When I resurrected it about a year ago, I chose a free template and picked some colors I liked and didn’t really think much of it because I wasn’t sure of where I was going with this. Totally Normal Human is now Cool Ghouls Book Club. I feel like that’s more fitting of the content and of me as a person. I’ll still post random totally normal human things, like my old band appreciation posts or the compartments. It’s gonna take a minute to figure out how I want this place to look, but I’ll get there.

Monthly roundup – January 2023

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My January reads. Nearly all were great and I’ve added a few more authors to my unending tbr. Just bury me with my kindle.

It would be easier to tell you which ones weren’t my favorites. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck was a reread for book club. It’s not bad, but it’s super repetitive and could probably have been a blog post. I still consider it the best self help book I’ve ever read. I’m Still a 10-year-old Boy and Spare are good for what they are, memoirs. I don’t like to be too harsh on memoirs because it feels like I’m judging their lives and I really don’t want to do that. Nancy Cartwright’s book is carried by her colorful narration. This is great for Simpsons fans or anyone who is interested in voice acting. Prince Harry’s book is about what I expected. In a lot of ways, he’s still that sad little boy trying to make his way through life as a Royal after losing his biggest ally, his mother. White Noise was a chore to get through, but still not terrible.

Here are some links to my full reviews for the month. All ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.
Incel, by Matt Duchossoy
Like a Tramp Yelling at Trains, by Peter Caffrey
They Are All Monsters, by J. Boote
Strangled Epitaphs, by Axl Barnes
Peculiar Monstrosities, A Planet Bizarro Publication
Songs About My Father’s Crotch, by Dustin Reade
Goddamn Electric Nights, by William Pauley III

I’ve got quite a few ARCs lined up for February. Lots of horror, bizarro, and monster porn. My favorites.

I read a book: Peculiar Monstrosities, A Planet Bizarro Publication

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Planet Bizarro was founded toward the end of 2021? Whaaaat? I guess my brain is still in that weird pandemic time warp because it feels like they’ve been around a lot longer. I’ve been reading bizarro a lot longer anyway.

Peculiar Monstrosities is a bizarro horror anthology comprised of 14 wild stories by 14 different authors, some well established and some new, who absolutely shine in the genre. Each story is unique and everything you want from a good bizarro story.

Before I get into the actual content, I want to talk about the narrator. Despite being a fairly prolific audiobook narrator, Talia Carver is a new voice to me. Her voice changes to suit the characters she reads in a way that brings the stories to life without being distracting. That is a big deal for me. I don’t like full cast audiobooks because I find them to be way too distracting, and the ones where they just read can be monotonous. This style is a happy medium and Carver pulls it off skillfully. Her narration is a pleasure to listen to.

Let’s talk about some of my favorites. This collection starts off strong with a story called The Colour Leeches, by Tim O’Neal. Saving the world from shadow monsters who are hungry for pigment? Yes please. I found the solution to the colour leech problem to be pretty clever and the ending satisfying. For the Children, by Joshua Chaplinsky describes a cartoon character brought to life and the consequences of doing so. The Thing She Carried, by Shelly Lyons caught my eye because of the title’s similarity to an old favorite, The Things They Carried, by Tim O’Brien. Of course that is where the similarities end. This story was honestly hilarious. Imagine being on a camping trip with your lover, stopping to fuck when the mood hits, and suddenly he dies and is face is stuck in your lady bits. And now you have to figure out how to get back to civilization and deal with weird shit along the way. Jukebox Heaven, by Zoltan Komor also had me rolling. A man goes to a match making service to find a wife and is paired up with a jukebox. Please insert coin. Man/jukebox sex. And then it gets weird.

I particularly liked the pet-centric stories. The Cat Factory, by Tim Anderson describes a world where cats are hand crafted by artisans until someone gets the idea to start mass producing them and things go awry. Kevin J. Kennedy’s All I Wanted Was a Little Friend is another pet story, but instead of cats, the pet is a blob of some sort. Pet breeding and ownership are strictly controlled and the reason for that becomes evident almost immediately after the main character acquires a pet. And then it gets weird.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. Most of these stories can be described as a series of somewhat weird events happening, and then it gets weird. It’s what I like about bizarro and why I think bizarro fans should read Peculiar Monstrosities.

You can buy Peculiar Monstrosities on Amazon or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. I bought the kindle version of this book when it was published in March of 2022. Planet Bizarro offered free review copies of the audiobook last week, effectively moving Peculiar Monstrosities to the top of my TBR. Thank you for the review copy, Matt Clarke/Planet Bizarro.

I read a book: Songs About My Father’s Crotch, by Dustin Reade

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I won this from a Planet Bizarro Press giveaway celebrating 500 likes on Facebook. How they’re just reaching that milestone, I’ll never know. I love bizarro and I’ve loved every Planet Bizarro Press book I’ve read. Bizarro is such a niche genre, but I’m sure there are more than 500 people who are into it.

As much as I love winning giveaways, I also love supporting authors by doing things like writing reviews and buying their books. Songs About My Father’s Crotch was recently released on Audible and I snatched it up immediately. I think it’s important to include a quick note about the narration when reviewing a book. So here’s a quick note about Garry Messick’s performance. I found it quite enjoyable. Messick treats narrating like he’s a one man show, taking on different accents and cadences for each character.

This collection of short stories is great. Each story is stranger than the last and the progression is fast. It starts with a story about a guy who discovers that he loves wrestling with furniture and moves on to one about a couple who absentmindedly eat each other while watching movies. The story that stood out to me was Night Butterfly, a tale of a bromance between a guy and a moth. There’s some guy/butterfly sex, so if that squicks you out, maybe skip this story. The Unbearding tells the story of one guy’s beard causing a chain reaction resulting in a weird beard obsession in the whole town. Living houses with assholes and buttcheeks. Cloud people. Roald Dahl? There is so much packed into this small collection of short stories.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. This review doesn’t adequately describe the levels of weird in this collection of stories. I loved it. Super fun. Bizarro is one of those genres that some people just don’t get. That is apparent when you read Goodreads reviews of books like this and find a bunch of people asking what the whole thing had been about. In the words of the fictional Roald Dahl in Clouds and Feathers, “Some stories are just fun to read, y’know?” That’s how I feel about bizarro and why I always rate them so highly. They’re just fun to read. If you’re a fan of bizarro and you haven’t read Reade’s work, you should get on that. Don’t miss it. Or do. Whatever.

Big thanks to Planet Bizarro Press for sending me my copy of this book. You can get Songs About My Father’s Crotch on Amazon for a couple bucks. Also available on Audible.

To the author: Sorry for googling you after 2am. I do most of my reading and writing in the middle of the night. I hope I didn’t keep you up too late.

I read a book: Goddamn Electric Nights, by William Pauley III

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I’ve written reviews for a few of William Pauley III’s books in the last year. I like his brand of weird. I feel right at home on Eighth Tower Block. I have owned the kindle version of Goddamn Electric Nights for a while now. I picked up the audiobook (and one other) on NetGalley a few weeks ago when my kindle had died an untimely death, having seen its existence there as a sign to revisit Eighth Block Tower. I have a new kindle now, thanks to the thoughtful generosity of my bff, so I followed along on that as I listened to the audiobook.

Once again, Connor Brannigan’s performance is great. I really enjoy his voice and delivery of the material. The only exception is the last story. It was like listening to Robert Stack narrating Unsolved Mysteries, a quality that was not bad in the observation parts of the zombie story but not quite fitting Spin Doctors Mixtape. I still love Brannigan’s narration though.

It’s difficult to choose a favorite in this collection of strange tales. Killing Teddy was a neat concept with a great ending. Does anyone ever really win? Parts of $5 Electric Suzie cracked me up. Imagine falling in love with a VCR with a taste for human flesh. Now imagine the levels of love and obsession that would drive a man to murder for 50 years to keep his love sated. I guarantee you’ll never look at a VCR’s, uh, lips the same way again.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. I love Pauley’s writing. His stories are vividly descriptive and take you to worlds you never imagined. This collection gives a little more insight to how the mutants of Eighth Block Tower came to be and how they continue to exist and I want more.

Big thanks to William Pauley III, Doom Fiction, and NetGalley for providing an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review. You can read Goddamn Electric Nights as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. Or just buy the book. The eBook is only a couple bucks and the print version would look great on your shelf. Do yourself a favor and grab the audio companion while you’re at it.

Monthly roundup – December 2022

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Last monthly roundup of the year. I read fewer books this month than usual due to the untimely demise of my kindle and some trouble focusing in general, but I still got to lots of great books. Mantis was my favorite, followed closely by both issues of The Obituaries and The Astronaut Dream Book. Not a bad one in the bunch though.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️:
Mantis
The Obituaries #2
The Obituaries #3
The Astronaut Dream Book

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️:
The rest

No rating:
One that I won’t name.

So let’s talk about some of these books. I read a lot of weird stuff. Some of it is weird by definition. Anything labeled bizarro is going to be super weird. I knew I was going to love the favorites listed above because I have loved everything I’ve read by those authors so far. But then there are books like the Pet Project series. The first book was recommended to me by Amazon or Goodreads (I don’t remember) because I read a lot of alien porn. This series was not alien porn, but it is solid sci-fi and I really enjoyed it. The series got better as it progressed. There’s a pretty significant time jump between books, but it feels like the natural progression of events.

I also read a lot of zombie books. I know a lot of them are the same story told by different people, but that’s part of why I like them so much. Still, when I read a book that takes a different approach to zombies, I’m all in. Diana Rowland’s White Trash Zombie series is one of those. The series follows a young woman who was turned by a cop who found her dying of an overdose. The zombies in this world are not mindless and go on to live normal lives. Well, as normal as can be expected for someone who needs to consume brains to keep from turning into flesh eating monsters. Not a bad book in this six volume series. I loved it, and even though it took me a year to get around to reading the last volume, I’ll miss Angel Crawford.

Monster romance is a relatively new genre for me. I’ve never really cared for traditional romance or smut and mostly just didn’t read it because the few that I’d tried were disappointing at best and boring at worst. About a year and a half ago, I saw Ice Planet Barbarians on my Goodreads feed. The person who was reading the series usually reads less fluffy stuff, but I’ve loved pretty much everything I’ve read based on her ratings so I gave IPB a go. And promptly fell down that rabbit hole. It turns out I do enjoy romance and smut, I’m just not interested in humans. Go figure. This month’s monster porn, Grunge and I’m in Love with Mothman, were excellent. More mythical creatures, please.

All in all, a great month of reads to wrap up a great year.