Tag: bizarro

I read a book: A Puppet Scorned, by Jamie Kort

Posted on by Traumadoll

I would bet money that you never thought you’d read the words horror, erotica, sock puppets, and knitting needles in the same sentence.

Let me start over. Jamie Kort was recently featured in The Best of Bizarro Fiction (Vol 1): A Planet Bizarro Anthology. If you are familiar with bizarro, you may have an idea of the level of weird that Jamie Kort conjures up in this brief novella. I follow him on Instagram and have been seeing his posts about this story on my feed for the last couple weeks. It is currently available on Godless for the ridiculously low price of 50 cents.

This is the story of a pair of sock puppets living in a dusty old attic. One day, they find something they hadn’t seen in the attic before, a pair of knitting needles. Brad teaches Camille how to knit the beast with two backs, and in their knitting frenzy, they knit up a sock baby and Camille’s life is forever changed. Imagine learning how to fuck and becoming a single parent in the same day. Brad traps her in a box and goes on with his life, but Camille is not done. She becomes obsessed with the idea of reuniting with the father of her child and becoming a family.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ This novella has all the elements of a great bizarro horror story. It’s weird and pushes the limits of your imagination. I found myself laughing at times that were probably inappropriate, but I have a feeling Kort writes for weirdos with dark senses of humor like me. I could tell you the rest of the story, but you should probably just buy it and read it for yourself. It’s Valentine’s Day. Treat yo self.

Monthly roundup – January 2023

Posted on by Traumadoll

My January reads. Nearly all were great and I’ve added a few more authors to my unending tbr. Just bury me with my kindle.

It would be easier to tell you which ones weren’t my favorites. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck was a reread for book club. It’s not bad, but it’s super repetitive and could probably have been a blog post. I still consider it the best self help book I’ve ever read. I’m Still a 10-year-old Boy and Spare are good for what they are, memoirs. I don’t like to be too harsh on memoirs because it feels like I’m judging their lives and I really don’t want to do that. Nancy Cartwright’s book is carried by her colorful narration. This is great for Simpsons fans or anyone who is interested in voice acting. Prince Harry’s book is about what I expected. In a lot of ways, he’s still that sad little boy trying to make his way through life as a Royal after losing his biggest ally, his mother. White Noise was a chore to get through, but still not terrible.

Here are some links to my full reviews for the month. All ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.
Incel, by Matt Duchossoy
Like a Tramp Yelling at Trains, by Peter Caffrey
They Are All Monsters, by J. Boote
Strangled Epitaphs, by Axl Barnes
Peculiar Monstrosities, A Planet Bizarro Publication
Songs About My Father’s Crotch, by Dustin Reade
Goddamn Electric Nights, by William Pauley III

I’ve got quite a few ARCs lined up for February. Lots of horror, bizarro, and monster porn. My favorites.

I read a book: Peculiar Monstrosities, A Planet Bizarro Publication

Posted on by Traumadoll

Planet Bizarro was founded toward the end of 2021? Whaaaat? I guess my brain is still in that weird pandemic time warp because it feels like they’ve been around a lot longer. I’ve been reading bizarro a lot longer anyway.

Peculiar Monstrosities is a bizarro horror anthology comprised of 14 wild stories by 14 different authors, some well established and some new, who absolutely shine in the genre. Each story is unique and everything you want from a good bizarro story.

Before I get into the actual content, I want to talk about the narrator. Despite being a fairly prolific audiobook narrator, Talia Carver is a new voice to me. Her voice changes to suit the characters she reads in a way that brings the stories to life without being distracting. That is a big deal for me. I don’t like full cast audiobooks because I find them to be way too distracting, and the ones where they just read can be monotonous. This style is a happy medium and Carver pulls it off skillfully. Her narration is a pleasure to listen to.

Let’s talk about some of my favorites. This collection starts off strong with a story called The Colour Leeches, by Tim O’Neal. Saving the world from shadow monsters who are hungry for pigment? Yes please. I found the solution to the colour leech problem to be pretty clever and the ending satisfying. For the Children, by Joshua Chaplinsky describes a cartoon character brought to life and the consequences of doing so. The Thing She Carried, by Shelly Lyons caught my eye because of the title’s similarity to an old favorite, The Things They Carried, by Tim O’Brien. Of course that is where the similarities end. This story was honestly hilarious. Imagine being on a camping trip with your lover, stopping to fuck when the mood hits, and suddenly he dies and is face is stuck in your lady bits. And now you have to figure out how to get back to civilization and deal with weird shit along the way. Jukebox Heaven, by Zoltan Komor also had me rolling. A man goes to a match making service to find a wife and is paired up with a jukebox. Please insert coin. Man/jukebox sex. And then it gets weird.

I particularly liked the pet-centric stories. The Cat Factory, by Tim Anderson describes a world where cats are hand crafted by artisans until someone gets the idea to start mass producing them and things go awry. Kevin J. Kennedy’s All I Wanted Was a Little Friend is another pet story, but instead of cats, the pet is a blob of some sort. Pet breeding and ownership are strictly controlled and the reason for that becomes evident almost immediately after the main character acquires a pet. And then it gets weird.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. Most of these stories can be described as a series of somewhat weird events happening, and then it gets weird. It’s what I like about bizarro and why I think bizarro fans should read Peculiar Monstrosities.

You can buy Peculiar Monstrosities on Amazon or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. I bought the kindle version of this book when it was published in March of 2022. Planet Bizarro offered free review copies of the audiobook last week, effectively moving Peculiar Monstrosities to the top of my TBR. Thank you for the review copy, Matt Clarke/Planet Bizarro.

I read a book: Songs About My Father’s Crotch, by Dustin Reade

Posted on by Traumadoll

I won this from a Planet Bizarro Press giveaway celebrating 500 likes on Facebook. How they’re just reaching that milestone, I’ll never know. I love bizarro and I’ve loved every Planet Bizarro Press book I’ve read. Bizarro is such a niche genre, but I’m sure there are more than 500 people who are into it.

As much as I love winning giveaways, I also love supporting authors by doing things like writing reviews and buying their books. Songs About My Father’s Crotch was recently released on Audible and I snatched it up immediately. I think it’s important to include a quick note about the narration when reviewing a book. So here’s a quick note about Garry Messick’s performance. I found it quite enjoyable. Messick treats narrating like he’s a one man show, taking on different accents and cadences for each character.

This collection of short stories is great. Each story is stranger than the last and the progression is fast. It starts with a story about a guy who discovers that he loves wrestling with furniture and moves on to one about a couple who absentmindedly eat each other while watching movies. The story that stood out to me was Night Butterfly, a tale of a bromance between a guy and a moth. There’s some guy/butterfly sex, so if that squicks you out, maybe skip this story. The Unbearding tells the story of one guy’s beard causing a chain reaction resulting in a weird beard obsession in the whole town. Living houses with assholes and buttcheeks. Cloud people. Roald Dahl? There is so much packed into this small collection of short stories.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. This review doesn’t adequately describe the levels of weird in this collection of stories. I loved it. Super fun. Bizarro is one of those genres that some people just don’t get. That is apparent when you read Goodreads reviews of books like this and find a bunch of people asking what the whole thing had been about. In the words of the fictional Roald Dahl in Clouds and Feathers, “Some stories are just fun to read, y’know?” That’s how I feel about bizarro and why I always rate them so highly. They’re just fun to read. If you’re a fan of bizarro and you haven’t read Reade’s work, you should get on that. Don’t miss it. Or do. Whatever.

Big thanks to Planet Bizarro Press for sending me my copy of this book. You can get Songs About My Father’s Crotch on Amazon for a couple bucks. Also available on Audible.

To the author: Sorry for googling you after 2am. I do most of my reading and writing in the middle of the night. I hope I didn’t keep you up too late.

I read a book: Goddamn Electric Nights, by William Pauley III

Posted on by Traumadoll

I’ve written reviews for a few of William Pauley III’s books in the last year. I like his brand of weird. I feel right at home on Eighth Tower Block. I have owned the kindle version of Goddamn Electric Nights for a while now. I picked up the audiobook (and one other) on NetGalley a few weeks ago when my kindle had died an untimely death, having seen its existence there as a sign to revisit Eighth Block Tower. I have a new kindle now, thanks to the thoughtful generosity of my bff, so I followed along on that as I listened to the audiobook.

Once again, Connor Brannigan’s performance is great. I really enjoy his voice and delivery of the material. The only exception is the last story. It was like listening to Robert Stack narrating Unsolved Mysteries, a quality that was not bad in the observation parts of the zombie story but not quite fitting Spin Doctors Mixtape. I still love Brannigan’s narration though.

It’s difficult to choose a favorite in this collection of strange tales. Killing Teddy was a neat concept with a great ending. Does anyone ever really win? Parts of $5 Electric Suzie cracked me up. Imagine falling in love with a VCR with a taste for human flesh. Now imagine the levels of love and obsession that would drive a man to murder for 50 years to keep his love sated. I guarantee you’ll never look at a VCR’s, uh, lips the same way again.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. I love Pauley’s writing. His stories are vividly descriptive and take you to worlds you never imagined. This collection gives a little more insight to how the mutants of Eighth Block Tower came to be and how they continue to exist and I want more.

Big thanks to William Pauley III, Doom Fiction, and NetGalley for providing an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review. You can read Goddamn Electric Nights as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. Or just buy the book. The eBook is only a couple bucks and the print version would look great on your shelf. Do yourself a favor and grab the audio companion while you’re at it.

Monthly roundup – December 2022

Posted on by Traumadoll

Last monthly roundup of the year. I read fewer books this month than usual due to the untimely demise of my kindle and some trouble focusing in general, but I still got to lots of great books. Mantis was my favorite, followed closely by both issues of The Obituaries and The Astronaut Dream Book. Not a bad one in the bunch though.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️:
Mantis
The Obituaries #2
The Obituaries #3
The Astronaut Dream Book

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️:
The rest

No rating:
One that I won’t name.

So let’s talk about some of these books. I read a lot of weird stuff. Some of it is weird by definition. Anything labeled bizarro is going to be super weird. I knew I was going to love the favorites listed above because I have loved everything I’ve read by those authors so far. But then there are books like the Pet Project series. The first book was recommended to me by Amazon or Goodreads (I don’t remember) because I read a lot of alien porn. This series was not alien porn, but it is solid sci-fi and I really enjoyed it. The series got better as it progressed. There’s a pretty significant time jump between books, but it feels like the natural progression of events.

I also read a lot of zombie books. I know a lot of them are the same story told by different people, but that’s part of why I like them so much. Still, when I read a book that takes a different approach to zombies, I’m all in. Diana Rowland’s White Trash Zombie series is one of those. The series follows a young woman who was turned by a cop who found her dying of an overdose. The zombies in this world are not mindless and go on to live normal lives. Well, as normal as can be expected for someone who needs to consume brains to keep from turning into flesh eating monsters. Not a bad book in this six volume series. I loved it, and even though it took me a year to get around to reading the last volume, I’ll miss Angel Crawford.

Monster romance is a relatively new genre for me. I’ve never really cared for traditional romance or smut and mostly just didn’t read it because the few that I’d tried were disappointing at best and boring at worst. About a year and a half ago, I saw Ice Planet Barbarians on my Goodreads feed. The person who was reading the series usually reads less fluffy stuff, but I’ve loved pretty much everything I’ve read based on her ratings so I gave IPB a go. And promptly fell down that rabbit hole. It turns out I do enjoy romance and smut, I’m just not interested in humans. Go figure. This month’s monster porn, Grunge and I’m in Love with Mothman, were excellent. More mythical creatures, please.

All in all, a great month of reads to wrap up a great year.

I read a book: The Astronaut Dream Book: The Bedlam Bible #3, by William Pauley III

Posted on by Traumadoll

I have read the first two books in this series and I loved them both. They are delightfully weird and completely engaging. So when I saw the audiobook available for review on NetGalley, I knew it was time to revisit Eighth Block Tower. And while I do own the kindle version, my kindle suffered an accident yesterday and no longer works. Seeing this book on NetGalley almost felt like a sign from the cosmos reminding me that even though I did most of my reading on that kindle, it’s going to be okay. So I’m sitting here in my office listening to the audiobook and following along on the kindle app on my phone.

I’ll start with a note about the narrator. I found Connor Brannigan’s narration to be quite enjoyable. His voice is deep and smooth and just really pleasant. I could listen to him speak far longer than the two-ish hour run time of this book. Fortunately for me, he narrates several of Pauley’s books that are already on my tbr.

If you’ve read the first two Bedlam Bible books, you are familiar with the strange things that go on in the Eighth Block Tower. Each book is a bunch of stories that are not one cohesive story, but they are intertwined. Everything that goes on in that tower is interconnected. This book is much the same. In the beginning, we learn of the prison deep within Eighth Block Tower that has only one prisoner. The stories that follow are his dreams about astronauts. The chapter called Apokalypsis. Wow. It’s a letter of warning to anyone who may find themself at the Church of Death and Nothingness detailing the astronaut’s journey leading up to the point where he is writing that letter and waiting for death. I found the letter to be quite moving.

But are these stories really dreams? Part 2 will have you wondering as the over arcing story comes full circle. The boy who encountered the prisoner in the beginning is back and his mother is ready to confront the “dog man” who bit her son. But in the words of the astronaut in his letter or warning, their journey didn’t stop there. Instead, things got weird. What the hell is going on in that tower? All I know is that I want more.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. If you’re into the weird and absurd, you’ll love William Pauley III‘s doom fiction. He’s a fantastic writer with the ability to write stories that are sometimes absurd, horrifying, and touching.

You can read The Astronaut Dream Book as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. Or just buy the book. The eBook is only a couple bucks and the print version would look great on your shelf. Do yourself a favor and grab the audio companion while you’re at it.

I read a book: Mantis, by Matthew A. Clarke

Posted on by Traumadoll

I have the bad habit of not always checking if I already own a book before buying a new one. I actually own Mantis, by Matthew A. Clarke under it’s previous title, Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant Fucking Mantis. This is not the first time I’ve acquired second copies of re-released books, but this post isn’t about those.

The cover art on the two editions couldn’t be more different, but both are amazing and eye catching enough that I bought it twice. The first cover shows a somewhat ghastly looking manti-woman’s face. Having read the descriptions of manti-people, I believe that cover is a more accurate representation of what they look like. The cover on the re-release, Mantis, is actually quite beautiful. In my head, the different covers represent how Jacoboby sees the love of his life, Millie, right after she turns (first cover) and how he sees her years afterward when he’s fully accepted their new life together. After all, I think we all see the people with whom we are in love in a rosier hue.

Teenagers Jacoboby and Millie live in a world where some people carry a gene that turns them into giant mantis people. Jacoboby’s mom leads a hate group called Super Mantis Killas who spends their time beating up and murdering manti-people and just being jackasses. As the son of the leader of this group, Jacoboby is dubbed Master of the mantis hating dudebros. One day, his best friend and girlfriend Millie starts to turn. He knew she carried the gene because he knew her sister was a mantis, but her transformation is still a shock to him. He is forced to reexamine everything he’s ever known and decide whether he will continue his life as an SMK Master or start a new life with his mantis girlfriend.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. This bizarre story tackles some surprisingly heavy themes. You’ll find yourself making mantis parallels to real world subjects like racism, loyalty, love, and family. It is well written and thought provoking. It’s imaginative and totally bizarre. It’s got everything I expect from a good bizarro novel. If you’re a fan of bizarro, you’ll love it.

You can buy Mantis, by Matthew A. Clarke on Amazon for a couple bucks or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription.

I read a book: White Fuzz, by William Pauley III

Posted on by Traumadoll

It started with a friend request on Goodreads. I don’t accept every author friend request. I look at their profiles, I google them, I read their websites and their book reviews. According to his bio, William Pauley III writes sci-fi/horror/bizarre fiction and that was enough for me to accept the friend request and add a couple books to my TBR. Doom fiction? Count me in.

I’ve watched his name come up on my Goodreads feed for about a month now. William Pauley III is now friends with Hugh Mann. William Pauley III likes Hugh Mann’s status. William Pauley III wants to read Another Weird Book. This is not criticism of how active he is on Goodreads. It is merely an description of how that portrait of a shaggy haired man with his head tilted upward, pouty lips, eyes closed, one side of his face dripping with blood got into my head and led me back to his website. There I found Audible codes and YouTube links, making my decision of where to start easier.

Because I’m on a novella kick and because I’m a sucker for good cover art, I chose White Fuzz. It’s the story of a man who gets a text from a stranger, goes to her home, and proceeds to have the weirdest night of his life. My gears were turning early in the story, as I had just read Pest, by Matt Shaw and the premise of a guy meeting a strange woman in her home after one text interaction was feeling a bit familiar. That’s where the similarities between the two stories ends though. Pauley’s story starts out almost a cute rom-com with our two main characters teasing each other on the phone before Franklin decides, against his better judgement, to pay this mystery woman a visit. While things seem to be going well, Franklin notices a lot of strange things about the apartment and about his new lady friend. The apartment is filthy, permeated with the smell of mold, death, and cat. Lynda’s mood changes from flirty and a little awkward to a range of anger and sadness at the drop of a hat. Franklin’s shifting in emotional state is similar, but internal. Franklin didn’t know what he was getting himself into and neither did I. As I’ve come to expect from the genre, White Fuzz leaves you with that wtf did I just read feeling. The story is well written and the audiobook is actually really good. Perfectly cast narrator.

Relatable

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. William Pauley III is on my radar now.

You can read White Fuzz as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. Or just buy the book. The eBook is only a couple bucks and the print version would look great on your shelf.

I read a book: Porn Land, by Kevin Shamel

Posted on by Traumadoll

Oh no, porn is illegal! So begins the synopsis of Porn Land, by Kevin Shamel on Goodreads.

I want to start by saying that while a title like Porn Land is sure to catch the attention of bizarro fans like myself, I feel like there was a missed opportunity at naming this book. Our heroes are called Phil and Zed, so of course my mind conjured up a more obvious title. Phil and Zed’s Sexcellent Adventure. I’m sure that was intentional.

The stage is set right on the first page. Porn is illegal and Phil is determined to archive as much of it as possible before it’s all scrubbed from the internet, much to the dismay of his roommate Zed. In his quest to archive all the porn the internet has to offer, he comes across an old website…one that he thinks may actually be the first porn website to have ever existed. Porn Land. He is intrigued by its low traffic. With one click, he and Zed are sucked right into the website, Stay Tuned style. (Side note: if you haven’t seen Stay Tuned, do it. I feel like the author has definitely seen it.)

Just as the couple in Stay Tuned move from one warped version of a familiar show to another, Phil and Zed move from one familiar porn scenario to another. They land in a sorority house and go to jail. Then they meet a guy who tells them they’re there to save Porn Land from disappearing and the real world from losing “good old-fashioned hedonism” and it just snowballs from there.

This book is everything I expect from the genre. You won’t find flowery poetic language here. There are no life lessons. A book snob might call it “poorly written”, but I view it as easily readable, vividly descriptive, and just plain fun. Listen, a book doesn’t need to be lyrical to be good. This book is great fun. There’s so much going on, but I won’t spoil it for you. Just read it.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 rounded up for the rating. Super fun book (standard disclaimer: if you’re into bizarro).

This book will be released on April 11, 2022. Pre-order your copy now on Amazon.