Tag: Planet Bizarro

I read a book: Cthulhu Fishing Off the Iraq Nebula, by Chris Meekings

Posted on by Traumadoll

This is one of those books that drew me in on multiple levels. First there’s the cover art depicting a person in a space suit tethered to something with Cthulhu in the background. Then there’s the title which is just so freaking bizarre that you just have to read the synopsis. And then there’s the synopsis. It’s the story of a man flying through space in his AI controlled house in pursuit of the elder god who destroyed the Earth (and everything else in its path). It’s a little bit Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe and a lotta bit Moby Dick.

There’s just something about how this is written that I love. It feels familiar, like I’m reading a friend’s diary. The opening line, in space no one can hear you vomit, hooked me. The fact that the main character never programmed his house’s AI is super relatable. How many times have you installed some new software or set up a new device and skipped the customization during setup, rationalizing that you will take care of that later. The plot is ridiculous, as I expect of any good bizarro story, but EnterUserName’s mental and emotional journey is quite relatable. The reader follows him as he uses alcoholism to cope with the realization that he is the last remaining human (and possibly last living thing in the universe), makes a friend, loses a friend, thinks he’s gone crazy, realizes that maybe there’s no point in revenge, and eventually finds his peace. I found myself just laughing at the absurdity of it all with him at the end.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. Ultimately, this made me smile. Maybe it doesn’t go anywhere, but it goes where it needs to. I like how it just sort of ends rather than wrapping up with a tidy solution. It just ends. The reader knows what happens without it being written.

Big thanks to Chris Meekings, Planet Bizarro, and Booksprout for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review. You can pre-order Cthulhu Fishing Off the Iraq Nebula on Amazon and begin reading it on March 15, 2023.

Monthly roundup – February 2023

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When I look at these collages I make every month, count 11 boxes, and think I had a slow month, I feel a little silly. I read 11 books! Sure, some of them were short. Two were audiobooks. One was a collection of short stories. My page count probably isn’t very high. And ultimately the numbers don’t matter. I read 11 books and enjoyed them all. But there were several days when I didn’t read anything because my brain just didn’t want to brain. Depression. And that makes me feel like it was a slow month. Depression brain is weird.

The books I did manage to read were pretty great. My favorite was Bowery. It’s not a joyous story, there is no happy ending. But it made me feel things and that is the mark of a good story to me. When people ask me why I read so much extreme horror, the answer is simple. I want to feel things. I read bizarro for wonderment. I am always so amazed at the sheer absurdity that some of these authors I love come up with. And Matt Shaw just makes me laugh. One day I’ll do a full why I read the things I read post. Today is not that day.

On the agenda for March, I have a few ARCs from Planet Bizarro that I’m excited about. Hoping to finish Wanderers, by Chuck Wendig and read the next book in the Gone series. I also have a couple of collections of short stories that I’m itching to read. And of course whatever Book Lovers Cafe chooses for the group read. It’s looking like it’ll be a Grady Hendrix book, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for Jennifer Weiner. I know, that makes no sense when you look at the collage above. I do stray from horror and monster porn on occasion.

In other news, I am in the process of redesigning this blog. When I resurrected it about a year ago, I chose a free template and picked some colors I liked and didn’t really think much of it because I wasn’t sure of where I was going with this. Totally Normal Human is now Cool Ghouls Book Club. I feel like that’s more fitting of the content and of me as a person. I’ll still post random totally normal human things, like my old band appreciation posts or the compartments. It’s gonna take a minute to figure out how I want this place to look, but I’ll get there.

I read a book: A Puppet Scorned, by Jamie Kort

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I would bet money that you never thought you’d read the words horror, erotica, sock puppets, and knitting needles in the same sentence.

Let me start over. Jamie Kort was recently featured in The Best of Bizarro Fiction (Vol 1): A Planet Bizarro Anthology. If you are familiar with bizarro, you may have an idea of the level of weird that Jamie Kort conjures up in this brief novella. I follow him on Instagram and have been seeing his posts about this story on my feed for the last couple weeks. It is currently available on Godless for the ridiculously low price of 50 cents.

This is the story of a pair of sock puppets living in a dusty old attic. One day, they find something they hadn’t seen in the attic before, a pair of knitting needles. Brad teaches Camille how to knit the beast with two backs, and in their knitting frenzy, they knit up a sock baby and Camille’s life is forever changed. Imagine learning how to fuck and becoming a single parent in the same day. Brad traps her in a box and goes on with his life, but Camille is not done. She becomes obsessed with the idea of reuniting with the father of her child and becoming a family.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ This novella has all the elements of a great bizarro horror story. It’s weird and pushes the limits of your imagination. I found myself laughing at times that were probably inappropriate, but I have a feeling Kort writes for weirdos with dark senses of humor like me. I could tell you the rest of the story, but you should probably just buy it and read it for yourself. It’s Valentine’s Day. Treat yo self.

Monthly roundup – January 2023

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My January reads. Nearly all were great and I’ve added a few more authors to my unending tbr. Just bury me with my kindle.

It would be easier to tell you which ones weren’t my favorites. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck was a reread for book club. It’s not bad, but it’s super repetitive and could probably have been a blog post. I still consider it the best self help book I’ve ever read. I’m Still a 10-year-old Boy and Spare are good for what they are, memoirs. I don’t like to be too harsh on memoirs because it feels like I’m judging their lives and I really don’t want to do that. Nancy Cartwright’s book is carried by her colorful narration. This is great for Simpsons fans or anyone who is interested in voice acting. Prince Harry’s book is about what I expected. In a lot of ways, he’s still that sad little boy trying to make his way through life as a Royal after losing his biggest ally, his mother. White Noise was a chore to get through, but still not terrible.

Here are some links to my full reviews for the month. All ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.
Incel, by Matt Duchossoy
Like a Tramp Yelling at Trains, by Peter Caffrey
They Are All Monsters, by J. Boote
Strangled Epitaphs, by Axl Barnes
Peculiar Monstrosities, A Planet Bizarro Publication
Songs About My Father’s Crotch, by Dustin Reade
Goddamn Electric Nights, by William Pauley III

I’ve got quite a few ARCs lined up for February. Lots of horror, bizarro, and monster porn. My favorites.

I read a book: Peculiar Monstrosities, A Planet Bizarro Publication

Posted on by Traumadoll

Planet Bizarro was founded toward the end of 2021? Whaaaat? I guess my brain is still in that weird pandemic time warp because it feels like they’ve been around a lot longer. I’ve been reading bizarro a lot longer anyway.

Peculiar Monstrosities is a bizarro horror anthology comprised of 14 wild stories by 14 different authors, some well established and some new, who absolutely shine in the genre. Each story is unique and everything you want from a good bizarro story.

Before I get into the actual content, I want to talk about the narrator. Despite being a fairly prolific audiobook narrator, Talia Carver is a new voice to me. Her voice changes to suit the characters she reads in a way that brings the stories to life without being distracting. That is a big deal for me. I don’t like full cast audiobooks because I find them to be way too distracting, and the ones where they just read can be monotonous. This style is a happy medium and Carver pulls it off skillfully. Her narration is a pleasure to listen to.

Let’s talk about some of my favorites. This collection starts off strong with a story called The Colour Leeches, by Tim O’Neal. Saving the world from shadow monsters who are hungry for pigment? Yes please. I found the solution to the colour leech problem to be pretty clever and the ending satisfying. For the Children, by Joshua Chaplinsky describes a cartoon character brought to life and the consequences of doing so. The Thing She Carried, by Shelly Lyons caught my eye because of the title’s similarity to an old favorite, The Things They Carried, by Tim O’Brien. Of course that is where the similarities end. This story was honestly hilarious. Imagine being on a camping trip with your lover, stopping to fuck when the mood hits, and suddenly he dies and is face is stuck in your lady bits. And now you have to figure out how to get back to civilization and deal with weird shit along the way. Jukebox Heaven, by Zoltan Komor also had me rolling. A man goes to a match making service to find a wife and is paired up with a jukebox. Please insert coin. Man/jukebox sex. And then it gets weird.

I particularly liked the pet-centric stories. The Cat Factory, by Tim Anderson describes a world where cats are hand crafted by artisans until someone gets the idea to start mass producing them and things go awry. Kevin J. Kennedy’s All I Wanted Was a Little Friend is another pet story, but instead of cats, the pet is a blob of some sort. Pet breeding and ownership are strictly controlled and the reason for that becomes evident almost immediately after the main character acquires a pet. And then it gets weird.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. Most of these stories can be described as a series of somewhat weird events happening, and then it gets weird. It’s what I like about bizarro and why I think bizarro fans should read Peculiar Monstrosities.

You can buy Peculiar Monstrosities on Amazon or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. I bought the kindle version of this book when it was published in March of 2022. Planet Bizarro offered free review copies of the audiobook last week, effectively moving Peculiar Monstrosities to the top of my TBR. Thank you for the review copy, Matt Clarke/Planet Bizarro.

I read a book: Songs About My Father’s Crotch, by Dustin Reade

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I won this from a Planet Bizarro Press giveaway celebrating 500 likes on Facebook. How they’re just reaching that milestone, I’ll never know. I love bizarro and I’ve loved every Planet Bizarro Press book I’ve read. Bizarro is such a niche genre, but I’m sure there are more than 500 people who are into it.

As much as I love winning giveaways, I also love supporting authors by doing things like writing reviews and buying their books. Songs About My Father’s Crotch was recently released on Audible and I snatched it up immediately. I think it’s important to include a quick note about the narration when reviewing a book. So here’s a quick note about Garry Messick’s performance. I found it quite enjoyable. Messick treats narrating like he’s a one man show, taking on different accents and cadences for each character.

This collection of short stories is great. Each story is stranger than the last and the progression is fast. It starts with a story about a guy who discovers that he loves wrestling with furniture and moves on to one about a couple who absentmindedly eat each other while watching movies. The story that stood out to me was Night Butterfly, a tale of a bromance between a guy and a moth. There’s some guy/butterfly sex, so if that squicks you out, maybe skip this story. The Unbearding tells the story of one guy’s beard causing a chain reaction resulting in a weird beard obsession in the whole town. Living houses with assholes and buttcheeks. Cloud people. Roald Dahl? There is so much packed into this small collection of short stories.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. This review doesn’t adequately describe the levels of weird in this collection of stories. I loved it. Super fun. Bizarro is one of those genres that some people just don’t get. That is apparent when you read Goodreads reviews of books like this and find a bunch of people asking what the whole thing had been about. In the words of the fictional Roald Dahl in Clouds and Feathers, “Some stories are just fun to read, y’know?” That’s how I feel about bizarro and why I always rate them so highly. They’re just fun to read. If you’re a fan of bizarro and you haven’t read Reade’s work, you should get on that. Don’t miss it. Or do. Whatever.

Big thanks to Planet Bizarro Press for sending me my copy of this book. You can get Songs About My Father’s Crotch on Amazon for a couple bucks. Also available on Audible.

To the author: Sorry for googling you after 2am. I do most of my reading and writing in the middle of the night. I hope I didn’t keep you up too late.

Monthly roundup – December 2022

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Last monthly roundup of the year. I read fewer books this month than usual due to the untimely demise of my kindle and some trouble focusing in general, but I still got to lots of great books. Mantis was my favorite, followed closely by both issues of The Obituaries and The Astronaut Dream Book. Not a bad one in the bunch though.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️:
Mantis
The Obituaries #2
The Obituaries #3
The Astronaut Dream Book

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️:
The rest

No rating:
One that I won’t name.

So let’s talk about some of these books. I read a lot of weird stuff. Some of it is weird by definition. Anything labeled bizarro is going to be super weird. I knew I was going to love the favorites listed above because I have loved everything I’ve read by those authors so far. But then there are books like the Pet Project series. The first book was recommended to me by Amazon or Goodreads (I don’t remember) because I read a lot of alien porn. This series was not alien porn, but it is solid sci-fi and I really enjoyed it. The series got better as it progressed. There’s a pretty significant time jump between books, but it feels like the natural progression of events.

I also read a lot of zombie books. I know a lot of them are the same story told by different people, but that’s part of why I like them so much. Still, when I read a book that takes a different approach to zombies, I’m all in. Diana Rowland’s White Trash Zombie series is one of those. The series follows a young woman who was turned by a cop who found her dying of an overdose. The zombies in this world are not mindless and go on to live normal lives. Well, as normal as can be expected for someone who needs to consume brains to keep from turning into flesh eating monsters. Not a bad book in this six volume series. I loved it, and even though it took me a year to get around to reading the last volume, I’ll miss Angel Crawford.

Monster romance is a relatively new genre for me. I’ve never really cared for traditional romance or smut and mostly just didn’t read it because the few that I’d tried were disappointing at best and boring at worst. About a year and a half ago, I saw Ice Planet Barbarians on my Goodreads feed. The person who was reading the series usually reads less fluffy stuff, but I’ve loved pretty much everything I’ve read based on her ratings so I gave IPB a go. And promptly fell down that rabbit hole. It turns out I do enjoy romance and smut, I’m just not interested in humans. Go figure. This month’s monster porn, Grunge and I’m in Love with Mothman, were excellent. More mythical creatures, please.

All in all, a great month of reads to wrap up a great year.

I read a book: Mantis, by Matthew A. Clarke

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I have the bad habit of not always checking if I already own a book before buying a new one. I actually own Mantis, by Matthew A. Clarke under it’s previous title, Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant Fucking Mantis. This is not the first time I’ve acquired second copies of re-released books, but this post isn’t about those.

The cover art on the two editions couldn’t be more different, but both are amazing and eye catching enough that I bought it twice. The first cover shows a somewhat ghastly looking manti-woman’s face. Having read the descriptions of manti-people, I believe that cover is a more accurate representation of what they look like. The cover on the re-release, Mantis, is actually quite beautiful. In my head, the different covers represent how Jacoboby sees the love of his life, Millie, right after she turns (first cover) and how he sees her years afterward when he’s fully accepted their new life together. After all, I think we all see the people with whom we are in love in a rosier hue.

Teenagers Jacoboby and Millie live in a world where some people carry a gene that turns them into giant mantis people. Jacoboby’s mom leads a hate group called Super Mantis Killas who spends their time beating up and murdering manti-people and just being jackasses. As the son of the leader of this group, Jacoboby is dubbed Master of the mantis hating dudebros. One day, his best friend and girlfriend Millie starts to turn. He knew she carried the gene because he knew her sister was a mantis, but her transformation is still a shock to him. He is forced to reexamine everything he’s ever known and decide whether he will continue his life as an SMK Master or start a new life with his mantis girlfriend.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. This bizarre story tackles some surprisingly heavy themes. You’ll find yourself making mantis parallels to real world subjects like racism, loyalty, love, and family. It is well written and thought provoking. It’s imaginative and totally bizarre. It’s got everything I expect from a good bizarro novel. If you’re a fan of bizarro, you’ll love it.

You can buy Mantis, by Matthew A. Clarke on Amazon for a couple bucks or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription.

I read a book: Porn Land, by Kevin Shamel

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Oh no, porn is illegal! So begins the synopsis of Porn Land, by Kevin Shamel on Goodreads.

I want to start by saying that while a title like Porn Land is sure to catch the attention of bizarro fans like myself, I feel like there was a missed opportunity at naming this book. Our heroes are called Phil and Zed, so of course my mind conjured up a more obvious title. Phil and Zed’s Sexcellent Adventure. I’m sure that was intentional.

The stage is set right on the first page. Porn is illegal and Phil is determined to archive as much of it as possible before it’s all scrubbed from the internet, much to the dismay of his roommate Zed. In his quest to archive all the porn the internet has to offer, he comes across an old website…one that he thinks may actually be the first porn website to have ever existed. Porn Land. He is intrigued by its low traffic. With one click, he and Zed are sucked right into the website, Stay Tuned style. (Side note: if you haven’t seen Stay Tuned, do it. I feel like the author has definitely seen it.)

Just as the couple in Stay Tuned move from one warped version of a familiar show to another, Phil and Zed move from one familiar porn scenario to another. They land in a sorority house and go to jail. Then they meet a guy who tells them they’re there to save Porn Land from disappearing and the real world from losing “good old-fashioned hedonism” and it just snowballs from there.

This book is everything I expect from the genre. You won’t find flowery poetic language here. There are no life lessons. A book snob might call it “poorly written”, but I view it as easily readable, vividly descriptive, and just plain fun. Listen, a book doesn’t need to be lyrical to be good. This book is great fun. There’s so much going on, but I won’t spoil it for you. Just read it.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 rounded up for the rating. Super fun book (standard disclaimer: if you’re into bizarro).

This book will be released on April 11, 2022. Pre-order your copy now on Amazon.